Stop Assuming

Assumptions are self-inflicted wounds.

Hello, world! People tend to overthink. And when people overthink, they not only overthink about themselves, but also other people. And when people overthink about other people, they tend to drag themselves into a deep, deep hole of assumptions.

Assumptions are a drug that people cannot get enough of. If there is no healthy communication between you and another person, your brain will often believe whatever belief makes it feel good. This is especially true if you tend to be on autopilot. So, if it feels good to assume the worst about someone because you will feel like an angel who only does good, then you'll probably go for that. Or, on the opposite end, if your brain is used to assuming the worst about yourself and finds solace in that, you'll probably do that and assume you're always in the wrong.

So, when you have this readily accessible idea of yourself stored in your subconscious, a lack of communication between yourself and another person will often make you retreat to that subconscious idea and, from there, your brain will often make up a story about the other person in order to fill in the missing blanks, supporting the idea that you have of yourself. No communication= story-making time for brain.

This is incredibly unproductive. Assumptions are a plague in this world. If you do let your subconscious take control of you, you will be overcome by these assumptions and you will never know peace. There is no problem-solving in the scenario of assumptions, you're just digging yourself deeper into the hole...while being angry about it. Making assumptions isn't fair to the other person OR yourself. What good is it to let yourself be consumed by something that you don't even know is true? That's exhausting for no reason. It's like you're holding your own hand and unknowingly leading yourself into a forest fire because it feels warm, cozy, and familiar. You're letting yourself be controlled by something that is not founded in truth and is instead founded in your guess of what the truth looks like based on what you're already used to assuming. A problem between two people cannot be solved without consulting both sides.

And the worst part about assumptions is that it's very likely that the other person is assuming things, too! So, there you guys go, digging your separate, deep holes. Both angry as hell.

When there is a lack of communication, you must throw assumptions about other people away. If you're really serious about resolving a conflict that you have with another person, the logical and conscious decision that you would make would be to not assume, make your intentions clear, be transparent, explain how you feel, and ask the other person how they actually feel, too. Or at the very least, STOP ASSUMING! Do it for your peace and do it for the sake of absolute truth. Once healthy communication is had, you will find that there is peace and clarity in exchanging truths instead of keeping it to yourselves.

If making assumptions is your default, you're going to have to carefully, intentionally, and consciously make an effort to not assume. At the end of the day, you have a choice: become the intentional conscious mind or be subject to the oblivious subconscious.